Metal Heart
by FluffyShrekGirl
Summary: A battleworn Gatomon reflects on a poignant memory from her past.


Metal Heart

DISCLAIMER: I don't own digimon, nor do I own the song used here, Metal Heart – it's by Garbage, and it's one of my favourites. This fic is set towards the beginning of 'Once More, With feeling', just after Gatomon has discovered that Myotismon is back. She isn't singing this song, though – this is just your plain old regular songfic. Oh – the last few lines are lifted directly from the Buffy episode 'Lie To Me'; I love this quote, and have always wanted to include it in a fic. I don't own it, however. Yet. Muahahaha…

**She pulled the shining arrow back in the bow, as far as it would go – and hesitated for a second. It was one of the longest seconds of her entire life. Then she fired. The arrow slammed into his chest directly where his heart was, and his cry of agony just before he dissolved was something that would haunt her for many a night to follow. She knew she would hear it in her nightmares. She had crossed a strange line today – she had killed the person she had lived with for years. And although he had been cruel and evil, it still felt… _wrong._**

_I wish I had a metal heart_

_I could cross the line_

Gatomon shook her head sharply to try and clear the memory, but she couldn't shake Myotismon's cry of pain from her thoughts. He had returned – twice now – but she still felt strangely guilty. She felt no guilt at killing any of the other digimon she had ever destroyed to survive – it was bizarre. She knew the others would be shocked at that, but she couldn't help it. As far as she was concerned, rather them than her.

_I wish I was half as good_

_As you think I am_

She tried to stop the waves of guilt. Myotismon was pure evil. He had been trying to kill Kari, and he had killed Wizardmon. She would have died herself had she not stopped him.

But always the feeling was there.

All the human films she had ever seen told lies. The good people lived happily ever after, and the bad people inevitably had a change of heart and became kind and decent. End of story. When you were good, you were perfect. When you were bad, you were evil. End of story. There was no-one in the middle. No-one like her.

_Now that we know for sure they're telling lies_

_When they say no-one gets hurt_

_And therefore nobody dies_

_You know it's hard to believe anything that you hear_

_They say the world is round_

She knew Myotismon was a powerful digimon and, like the films, he had lied to her many times. There were probably still a thousand things that Myotismon knew about her, perhaps even things that she didn't. She wished she was more powerful, a bigger, stronger digimon who could shake the answers out of him by force. But she knew in her heart that she'd never be that powerful, no matter how often she trained. If she could, maybe she'd never have been corrupted by his army like she had been.

_I wish I was as big as you_

_You'd have to tell the truth_

_I'd be nothing you could hurt_

_Nothing you could use_

_Now that we know for sure they're telling lies_

_When they say no-one gets hurt_

_And therefore nobody dies_

_You know it's hard to believe anything that you hear_

_They say the world is round_

_The world is round_

She didn't want to be corrupt! How she wanted to be perfect for the others, be good, kind, sweet-tempered, dependable – all the things she was not, and would never be. She wanted to be like the others, but she knew it couldn't possibly happen. She carried too much darkness in her heart, and she had none of the naïveté that they possessed – she had seen too much evil.

_I want to be dependable I want to be courageous and good_

_I want to be faithful so that I can be heroic and true_

_I want to be a friend you can rely on you can lean on and trust_

_I want to understand so I can forgive and be willing to love_

That evil would be her downfall. Not necessarily the evil she had seen, but the evil that was no doubt coming for her right now. Myotismon wanted her dead, and if he had to he might even do the job personally. And although she didn't want to admit it, she was scared. She had seen plenty of death, and didn't want her own to be any time soon. And in this world, she was flesh and blood. It would be so much harder for her to be reconfigured. She might be gone for good.

_Wizardmon…_

_I wish I wasn't flesh and blood_

_I would not be scared_

_Of bullets built with me in mind_

_Then I could be saved_

This might be the last time she ever fought Myotismon. If there was one thing her life had taught her, it was this: no-one's luck held out forever. Eventually, Myotismon would triumph. And she wished she wasn't so terribly sure. Eventually, Myotismon would get what he wanted. Because that was the way the world worked.

Or at least the way her world worked.

_My sweet lord take care of me_

_For I think I'm done_

_Kiss my mother on her cheek_

_And lay my burden down_

Kari came into the room, and smiled at Gatomon. "You OK?"

Gatomon returned the smile, but hers was empty, and didn't reach her eyes. "Yeah, fine. Aren't I always?"

Kari sighed; she knew her friend was lying. She sat down next to the digimon, and looked out of the window across the rooftops of Odaiba.

"You don't think we can't beat him this time."

It was not a question.

Gatomon looked up at her partner, and her eyes were filled with worry. Kari was fifteen now, and she was a lot wiser than people gave her credit for. She didn't need sheltering. But Gatomon still didn't want to destroy her hope.

She spread her gloved hands helplessly. "What do you want me to say?"

"I…" Kari looked powerless to know what to say next. Then she looked down. "Lie to me."

_Now that we know for sure they're telling lies_

_When they say no-one gets hurt_

_And therefore nobody dies_

_You know it's hard to believe anything that you hear_

_They say the world is round_

_The world is round_

Gatomon smiled sadly, wearily. "It's terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and we always defeat them and save the day. No-one ever dies, and we all live happily ever after."

Kari managed a weak smile.

"Liar."


End file.
